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I remember when I was pregnant with Landon and we were setting up his nursery. I came across a lullaby CD we received at his baby shower and put it in, just so it was ready, and pushed play. I was sitting in the rocker, folding some of the new clothes and I had an overwhelming sense of joy. I was going to be a mom! This was going to be the best thing ever! I envisioned all the wonderful things we would do as a family – all the things that Landon would do and become in his years growing up. I was so excited about this great thing called motherhood I was about to begin.
Mother’s Day is supposed to be a time when we celebrate all the wonderful things about motherhood. All the joys of having children in our lives and a chance for them to say, “thanks!” for all the hard work moms everywhere give to their children. It’s a day where moms are supposed to be re-affirmed about all the great things about being a mom and get warm fuzzy feelings inside, right?
Well what if that doesn’t happen?
Life has not been full of the warm fuzzies at our house lately.
Landon is in full 3.5 year old mode. He’s the sweetest boy I’ve ever met – but he’s also stubborn, has started a talking back phase, and has had an increasing case of choosing not to listen. It’s tiring to be in a constant discipline mode. It’s tiring to not have a day filled with wonderful moments of playing together and happy times.
Riley has been battling ear infections. He’s also cutting in his 2 year molars. He’s pretty whiny. All. The. Time. It’s tiring to constantly have a toddler on your hip because holding him is the only thing that he wants. It’s tiring to go though 30 different things, trying to find something to make him feel better and stop crying when none of them work. All while I’m 5 months pregnant. Honestly, life as a mom right now is really not all that great.
I don’t write this to seek your sympathy, or even empathy. I write this to say – it’s ok! The internet can be full of stories that focus on the positive side of motherhood. Stories of super moms that have spotless houses and planned activities with home cooked meals every day. I love those. But it can also send a message to those who may not be experiencing those joys that something is wrong with them. You are a bad mom. Something is wrong with your children. It really can make you feel a cold and spiky (not warm and fuzzy…) inside thinking that you are alone in the way you feel.
It’s normal to feel this way (if not, then I’m just weird and you can have a good laugh at my expense). Kids are a lot of work and it’s not always the job we think we signed up for.
It will get better, or at least different, which in many ways is better, because the battle that you’re fighting right now WILL be over, eventually. Hold your head up high, do what you need to do to survive and make the best of it and “this too shall pass”. And please don’t be so hard on yourself by thinking that you’re not doing a great job. There are days I feel really bad for letting Landon watch more TV than I know he should, but I know that it will allow me to regroup, and have a break to be ready to face the rest of the afternoon.
I love my children. You love your children. We may not like the things they do. The things they do might make us want to find a room to lock ourselves in until they have figured out what it means to be a human being again. They may push us to the ends of our rope, and then some. I wish I could say that at the end of the day it’s all ok, because sometimes it’s not. And that’s ok. But there are good, even great moments in the hard times and I do what I can to focus on those.
Love yourself. Love your children. Most importantly – love your children by loving yourself and know that it’s ok. You are a great mom, don’t let yourself convince you otherwise.
Oh, and happy Mother’s Day!
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